Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It just occurred to me that Trump got more fat women out walking in one day than Michelle Obama did in eight years.

   He's still my impeached president.

   Jesus said: "Heal the sick, feed the poor", and Romney said "What, for free?"

   My favourite sexual position is 'The Obama'. It's where I choose someone who promises me wonderful things but over time screws me over.

   Rooster+Rooster=No Egg....Hen+ Hen= No Egg....Rooster+ Hen=Egg/Chicken........Now you know why Chick-fil-a supports traditional couples!

   Immigrants are like sperm, millions get in but only one works...

   Breaking News! You can "QUIETLY" be a Christian and leave people who believe in something more substantial, believable, reasonable, realistic and is NOT a mere product of mental invention......Learn to stay in your lane dummies.

   I think “Recession” is when your neighbor loses his job. “Depression” is when you lose yours. And “Recovery” is when Obama loses his.

   I watch truTV and CSI so much that I even wipe my fingerprints off the remote after I turn off the TV.

   There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

   Facebook doesn't need a "dislike" button what it needs is a " noody effin cares" or get over yourself your really not that special button"

   I can't help but laugh at that Shake Weight commercial. If you've seen it, you know exactly why

   getting a tattoo of Tattoo from Fantasy Island.

   The gov't shut down hurts all the way to the top. Today, Obama could only afford to play mini golf...

   Anti-psychotics, but for religious fanatics.

   Let me get this straight... People who believed President Obama was born in Kenya and that there would be FEMA camps, and that Hillary ran a child sex ring from a pizza joint.... are SKEPTICAL of US intelligence.

   Trump should really try harder to get his message out to the younger generations, especially since one of them will eventually be his fourth wife...

   I ate too much salad over the weekend so I'm going on an Oreo cleanse today.

   Dropped a piece of ice in the kitchen. Kicked it under the fridge...

   I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and sh!t a better argument then that!!