Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 87 of 6384
If you think cow farts are making hurricanes stronger, you might be watching to much CNN.
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11-04-2022 17:47 by Bigjhaire
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I never got the cat spayed but we did have ‘The Sex Talk.’
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11-04-2022 09:31
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I predict Peppermint Patty invites herself and her friends over to Charlie Brown's for Thanksgiving again this year.
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11-04-2022 06:20
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Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even? thanks
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11-04-2022 06:14
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An 83-year-old male prostitute was arrested in New Jersey over the weekend. Police say he only charged $20 an hour, but for most of that time, he just talked about his grandkids.
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11-04-2022 06:13
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there a way to ask for extra ranch dressing by not sounding fat?
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11-04-2022 06:09
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Chicken salad is just like regular salad except, it’s afraid of the dark.
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11-04-2022 05:57
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The kids were being so annoying at bedtime last night, I threatened to take them back in time and put them to bed early.
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11-04-2022 05:56
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Ask your doctor if your dominant hand is right for you
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11-04-2022 05:54
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PRO TIP: leave the oven on at all times in order to avoid the hassle of pre-heating
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11-04-2022 05:53
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Seriously though, how do Gremlins know when it’s after midnight?
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11-04-2022 05:50
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coworker suggested I drink fewer than six energy drinks so I tossed him through the break room like a discus
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11-04-2022 05:46
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I'm so single, I'm chasing myself around the house playing hard to get!!!
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11-03-2022 14:39
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My new SUV has a button " rear wiper"..I'm afraid to push it.....
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11-03-2022 14:37
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Walmart will be closed on Thanksgiving so self-checkout cashiers can be with their families.
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11-02-2022 15:45
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Dang, I hope that wasn't something we needed... (me vacuuming the bedroom)
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11-02-2022 02:47 by J-Mac
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I hate it when TV shows say "Adult Content" but then don't show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up after the kids... jest sayin
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11-01-2022 11:49 by Yoda
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there hasnt been a status with more upvotes then downvotes since 8-18 aka 75 days ago
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11-01-2022 00:22 by was
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Saw this kid dressed as Dracula so I played along and stabbed him with a wooden stake, his mom was not happy
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10-31-2022 23:22 by Luka
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Tonight I'm Invisible Man for Halloween, as in you won't see me at any of your parties.
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10-31-2022 21:48
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