Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 73 of 6384
We don’t hear much about people from the Left being allowed back on Twitter. Why? Because blacklisting has been deployed as a one-way operation against the Right.
←Rate |
01-09-2023 04:19
Comments (0)
A dog and a cat are fighting about who is the favorite with humans. The dog says, “We are, because they named the canine tooth after us.” The cat smiles and says, “You are really not going to win this one.”
←Rate |
01-09-2023 04:08
Comments (0)
Whole Foods announced that a Prius left it’s lights on in the parking lot, and now I have the whole store to myself.
←Rate |
01-09-2023 03:55
Comments (0)
Someone should’ve tried domesticating bears 10,000 years ago. We really missed the mark with that one. Could be cuddled up with a bear right about now, but whatever.
←Rate |
01-09-2023 03:40
Comments (0)
Nothing is permanent in this world, not even our troubles.
←Rate |
01-09-2023 03:32
Comments (0)
Humans: Dear God, please let 2023 be a good one…. God: You guys are still alive?
←Rate |
01-09-2023 03:18
Comments (0)
My favorite queso is the one you keep around for emergencies, just in queso.
←Rate |
01-09-2023 03:08
Comments (0)
You: I’m offended, you can’t say that! Me: Noooo, I can, I did, and I probably will again.
←Rate |
01-09-2023 03:00
Comments (0)
Be wary of half-truths, you may get the wrong half.
←Rate |
01-09-2023 02:48
Comments (0)
Quiz question: Would you rather be stuck on an island all alone or with someone you hate, and why? Answer: I would rather be stuck on an island with someone I hate, so I would have something to eat.
←Rate |
01-08-2023 17:25
Comments (0)
The IRS: “Oh yeah, you can milk anything with nipples.”
←Rate |
01-08-2023 17:25
Comments (0)
Got a new book: “How to pretend to be normal.”
←Rate |
01-08-2023 17:24
Comments (0)
My emotional support dog after spending a day with me. Dog: Drinks a 5th of vodka and chain-smokes non-filter cigarettes.
←Rate |
01-08-2023 17:23
Comments (0)
Everyone I know is a “snack getting stuck in a vending machine” away from total collapse.
←Rate |
01-08-2023 17:23
Comments (0)
Therapist: “What brings you in today?” Me: Every time my husband puts the dishes away, he puts them in a different location. Therapist: “I’ll cancel all my appointments.”
←Rate |
01-08-2023 17:22
Comments (0)
When you’re in psychology class and you learn about the disorder you have.
←Rate |
01-08-2023 17:22
Comments (0)
Teacher: “Today we will be talking about depressed people who share jokes all day as a coping mechanism.”
←Rate |
01-08-2023 17:21
Comments (0)
It might be called social media, but all I do is share photos and ignore people.
←Rate |
01-08-2023 17:21
Comments (0)
Trillion-dollar propaganda machine vs. people putting funny words on pictures.
←Rate |
01-08-2023 17:20
Comments (0)
Potatoes are used to make vodka. Also, potatoes are technically vegetables. The point I’m trying to make is, you do a juice cleanse your way, and I’ll do one my way.
←Rate |
01-08-2023 17:00
Comments (0)