Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 69 of 6384
i have lived through 30 winters and i’m somehow still surprised when it gets dark before 5pm in January
←Rate |
01-12-2023 06:01
Comments (0)
Daylight saving? I’m ready for daylight spending
←Rate |
01-12-2023 06:00
Comments (0)
got kicked out of the library this morning for starting a mosh pit
←Rate |
01-12-2023 06:00
Comments (0)
Bite me again – my bottom lip
←Rate |
01-12-2023 05:58
Comments (0)
A new study shows that drinking two to three coffees a day can lower the risk of heart problems. Because who has time for heart problems when they have constant daytime stress diarrhea?
←Rate |
01-12-2023 05:58
Comments (0)
I dance like a car dealership’s inflatable tube man.
←Rate |
01-12-2023 03:59
Comments (0)
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
←Rate |
01-12-2023 03:51
Comments (0)
Friends are like boobs: some are real, and some are fake.
←Rate |
01-12-2023 03:43
Comments (0)
Thank you, warning label. I almost used my toaster in the shower this morning.
←Rate |
01-12-2023 03:36
Comments (0)
It hurts when you start to unfriend someone and find out that they’ve already beaten you to it.
←Rate |
01-12-2023 03:32
Comments (0)
T.G.I.A. ~ Thank goodness I’m awesome!
←Rate |
01-12-2023 03:27
Comments (0)
A big shout-out to ATM fees, for making me buy my own money.
←Rate |
01-12-2023 03:11
Comments (0)
Back in 5 minutes ~ if not, read this again.
←Rate |
01-12-2023 03:08
Comments (0)
You can’t be late until you show up.
←Rate |
01-12-2023 03:05
Comments (0)
Time is precious, waste it wisely.
←Rate |
01-12-2023 02:58
Comments (0)
Lucky for you, mirrors can't laugh out loud.
←Rate |
01-12-2023 01:34
Comments (0)
Biden aides find second batch of classified documents at new location, my goodness.
←Rate |
01-12-2023 01:25
Comments (0)
That moment when you miss one step on the stairs, and you think you’re about to die.
←Rate |
01-12-2023 01:14
Comments (0)
It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while, to remind yourself why you don’t go out.
←Rate |
01-12-2023 01:08
Comments (0)
An elderly woman was walking her dog when a young man grabbed her purse and ran away. I asked if she was okay. She said, “it’s no big deal really, I only carry that old purse to put my dog’s poop in it.”
←Rate |
01-12-2023 01:05
Comments (0)