Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 65 of 6384
Tommy Lee Jones ~ always has a look on his face, like his son just told him that he wants to ride unicycles professionally.
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01-19-2023 02:22
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One way to be hospitable, is to help visitors know when it’s time to leave.
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01-19-2023 02:19
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Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, which is why I’m eating it again at 11:00am.
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01-19-2023 02:15
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Her: You haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said. Him: That’s a weird way to start a conversation.
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01-19-2023 02:09
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In honor of the winter solstice I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.
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01-19-2023 02:05
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Friend 1: I do yoga 5 days a week. Friend 2: I plan vegan meals a week in advance. Me: I eat cake over the sink, so I don’t get crumbs in my bed.
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01-19-2023 02:01
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My school taught square dancing in the 4th grade, because you never know when a hoedown will break out.
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01-19-2023 01:57
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Do men still go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. The female to male ratio is ten to one, and they’re already looking for things they don’t need.
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01-19-2023 01:55
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How about taco Wednesday’s, no one has ever done that before.
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01-19-2023 01:53
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Next week is my big High school GED reunion .
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01-19-2023 00:04
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Nothing brings more peace, when you stop giving a f*ck.
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01-18-2023 18:49
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When the Lone Ranger needed cancer treatment, it was chemo, sob, eh ?
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01-18-2023 06:07
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My friend Hugh enjoys puns about 80's music. That's what I like about Hugh.
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01-18-2023 06:06
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I think of Frank Zappa Every time I microwave a hotdog
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01-18-2023 06:05
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Woman: *being eaten by a Werewolf* My god, they’re right. Your hair IS perfect!
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01-18-2023 06:05
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What is it about a freshly scrubbed toilet that activates my bowels!?
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01-18-2023 06:03
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i ordered the mcdonald’s land air and sea burger and my stomach quit in the middle of its shift
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01-18-2023 06:02
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It’s cute how Taco Bell gives you 2 little peppermints in the bag with your order, like thanks for your order, sorry about the diarrhea.
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01-18-2023 06:02
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Alexa, trade my personal privacy for a cooking timer please.
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01-18-2023 06:01
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It’s OK, The Phantom Menace. I also came out in 1999 and am a bit disappointing
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01-18-2023 06:01
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