Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6301 of 6446

went to the bookshop today to get a book about conspiracies. Guess what, there were none there. Coincidence?
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12-15-2009 12:54 by deithy
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On Dasher, on Dancer, on Mastercard, on Visa.
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12-15-2009 12:51
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There's a new product called "Texthook" that lets parents strap phones to strollers so they can text while pushing their children. The most common text message is, "OMG, I just crashed my baby into another baby!"
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12-15-2009 12:42 by tomcall
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¡¡¡ƃuılıǝɔ ƃuıʞɔ*ɟ ʎɯ ɟɟo ʇǝƃ `lǝuoıl ʎǝɥ
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12-15-2009 12:41 by Ryan C.
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needs an elf to wrap presents…..oh and do the laundry too while your at it.
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12-15-2009 12:39 by pm73
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One minute after New Year We are going to have the above binary combination.- 01 : 01 01 / 01 / 10
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12-15-2009 12:11 by no body
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Mornings would go a lot smoother if someone would introduce "Garanimals" for men. Tags match? The outfit will work!
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12-15-2009 10:39
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dont be afraid of the dark, be afraid of whats in the dark....

Just when you think you got the answer...someone changes the question.
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12-15-2009 09:44 by J Dubb
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Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a weak man all day. Wearing a backpack & a turtleneck is lke being strangled by a weak man as a dwarf tries to pull you down.

I woke up this morning and my friend said "Did you sleep good?" I said "No. I made a few mistakes."

Anyone want to chip in and make a counteroffer to buy back Joe Lieberman?
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12-14-2009 22:58 by mike
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Back in my day, evolution simply meant a more badass Pokemon.
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12-14-2009 22:35 by joe fool
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Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me-- no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make.
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12-14-2009 22:30 by joe fool
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insecure and naturally picks on those who are weaker than himself to give him some demented sense of self worth.
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12-14-2009 22:29 by joe fool
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I'm not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was thirty, but I wasn't even close. Then I thought maybe by forty, but by forty I had less money than I did when I was thirty.
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12-14-2009 22:26 by joe fool
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Just walked in the shower with my socks on....AGAIN
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12-14-2009 22:07 by bert
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A South Korean woman passed her written driving exam on the 950th try, taking the test every day for four years. She then went to a random typewriter and banged out a Shakespearean play.
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12-14-2009 20:42 by tomcall
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ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
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12-14-2009 20:42
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I remember when the candleshop caught on fire. Everyone just stood around singing "Happy Birthday".