Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I was asked if i'd volunteer for Comic Relief at work. All i'd have to do is wear funny clothes,answer the phone,write a few notes,chat and joke with others and eat junk food. Of course I said "Yes". Who wouldnt want to be like their boss for just one day

   somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine

   the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about

   The alphabet is a lot like life, except in life we don't like to mention our X's

   I love to eat Bran Flakes in the morning. I guess i'm just a regular girl.

   If curling is a sport in the Winter Olympics, how come shuffleboard is not a sport in the Summer Olympics?

   thinks that unless you people can come up with a better idea...she'll be giving up her vow of celibacy for Lent this year

   thinks instead of coffee at work, we need to have nice warm glasses of shut the hell up

   The true art of procastination is picking the correct task to put off that will eventually not need to be done anymore.

   going for Gold in the Men's Uphill Giant Slalom....Gravity is a B*tch!

   Cats are smarter than dogs, you'll never see 8 cats pulling some dumb a$$ through the snow!!

   Worrying is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere.

   The hardest part about moving forward is not looking back.

   Sometimes you have to smile... Pretend everything's okay. Hold back the tears, And just walk away.

   Every day is Fat Tuesday for me because I'm Fat =(

   doesn't want you to be upset that I want to punch you in the face, be flattered that I want to touch you at all.

   Yo mamma so fat that when she lays on the beach, Green Peace try to push her back into the water.

   if there is one flaw in women, it is this...they forget there worth and how remarkable they truly are!

   ..after watching the Brit Awards,thinks that Cheryl has got to try,try,try,try,try to lip sync a bit better..

   Please dont poke me if you a guy...Thx!