Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Today: Consumer Reports cannot recommend iPhone 4. Tomorrow: Everyone at Consumer Reports found dead.

   Just ate two Double Downs at KFC, now there is an ambulance gurney following me everywhere

   ..instead of politicians saying "My heart goes out to the brave soldiers fighting in Afghanistan..." how about saying "A plane goes out to the brave soldiers fighting in Afghanistan to get them the f*ck out of there!"?

   Life insurance advertisements during "Final Destination". Touché insurance companies... touché

   As I grow older and wiser, I am increasingly aware that mostly, I'm just growing older..

   Just reported Mr. Steinbenner will be broadcasting a ESPN special tonight at 9 pm eastern to decide if he will go to Heaven or Hell.

   The Nigerian goalkeeper is refunding money for anybody that was disappointed with their performance at the World Cup. He said, a representative will contact you via email. Please give them your bank account #s and pin information...

   With the "You've Won The Nigerian Lottery" to these "Libido Sex Pill Enhancer" emails I should be leading quite the life.

   R.I.P. Mr. Steinbrenner... I never really "hated" your Yankees, just wish you would have bought the Braves!

   It's a dog-eat-dog world out there...don't get caught wearing 'milk-bone' underwear!

   Just said Hi to a person with an ugly smile. I hope there having a good day???

   if Paul the octopus was so smart, he wouldn't have been captured in the first place.

   the letter after W and the letter before Y...duh?! :)

   Mummy I'm 16, Can I wear a bra? ..... No Justin.

   ...is hoping that Mel Gibson and Lindsay Lohan find each other...

   God please bring 2012 soon I cant take it any more...

   desperatly trying to on who came up with the idea of bright colored play toys for dogs if they are colorblind to begin with.

   Logged into my Orkut account after a long long time...Found 3 dead mice, a broken light bulb, shattered window pane and a few spider webs...

   I don't get the toilet seat issue that women have. I won't put my naked *ss on anything without looking at it first. Apparently some women are not so discriminating...

   What's the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on.