Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Life is funny. Well, yours is. To me.

   Puking is my body's way of saying, "Now there's room for more booze!"

   The morning after the night before is always the next day.

   Ha ha there's nobody here. I'm going to steal the internet and sell it on ebay! Oh wait....

   People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that.

   There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

   Granny- "I like pushing those rotating doors you get on the way into some places, really fast when there are people in them because it means they have to kind of run to stay standing"

   just changed his relationship status from single to engaged and back to single to see if any chicks will try to get me on the rebound.

   noticed it is 10-10-10 @ 10.10 AM... awesome!

   You dang woodchucks, quit chucking my wood!

   You only eat candy corn when there's no other candy to eat.

   CALL 1-800-OUR-BAD, IF YOUR BRAKES DONT WORK.

   woke up really really really early today just to post on facebook "i've beaten my alarmclock today"

   ha today is10/10/10

   on the way to Comaland. That's about 24 minutes north of Shutupimsleepingville, which is right outside of Setthealarm Village.

   What's the worst part about eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheel chair.

   Whoever said laughter is the best medicine never had diarrhea!

   Girl was laughing when she saw my lil wee wee...You should have saw her face when I said GO GO GADGET

   I just gave my chiwawa a can of mighty dog. He is now in alaska pulling a dog sled. By himself

   I wanna know heather 25's full name so I can find her on facebook. She is pretty damn funny