Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. 
put a number on it by looking up the route on a fare-finding site….So it would've cost Will Smith about $8,356.96 to get from West Philly to Bel-Air!! Dang Uncle Phil was really loaded then!!!
What do Gas prices and Charlie Sheen have in common? They both are winning.
IM SO BAD. I BROKE 3 LAWS LESS THAN 35 SECONDS. I RAN A RED LIGHT, I WAS GOING 60 IN A 45, AND I SAID THE F WORD. #THUG LIFE
how many people telling dominican jokes does it takes to change a bulb?
The last fight me and my wife had was whether Tommy Boy was an Awesome Movie or Super Awesome Movie!!!!!
Do you believe in magic? Yes? Want to go up to my room and make some?
To the gal who posted that guys are "creepy" on facebook, dont flatter yourself. You're not all that.
The two most popular smells in the old west...gunsmoke and horse $hit!!!!!
never lied to you much when it really mattered.
You can learn al ot from cartoons. He-Man always taught us you can solve problem by using a sword.
why is it called PMS? Cause mad cow was already taken.
just won the LOTTERY! Not really, just practicing...
Vegeterian- ancient tribal name for man that can't hunt.
America: Where children are on leashes and pit bulls roam the streets
Just saw an advertisement for Farmville that said "Sheep breeding is here." Is there something going on in there that I should be concerned about?
Keeping a Blockbuster card in your wallet is like carrying $100 in Confederate bills.
I just changed all my passwords to "incorrect", so my computer reminds me every time I forget...
Being hungover is like eating a hot pocket. It starts off well and then you spend the rest of the night in the bathroom wondering how much crap can really come out.
This purple unicorn sitting next to me, while smoking a crack pipe, is saying that I drink too much. I told him to stop smoking crack cocaine. Stupid unicorn drug addicts. 