Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   not a gynecologist but I can take a look at it

   Never tell anyone about your problems-90% don't care about them, 8% are glad you have them, and the remaining 2% will charge you 200$ or more an hour to listen to them"

   How do you pronounce "cicada"? What?!? WHAT?!? I can't hear you!

   For 30min. I watched the evening news, and in the entire 30min the only truths I could confirm, were in the commercials. :(

   that ackward moment when ur friend comes in the bathroom while ur sittin on the toliet

   I'm not a Quitter. I'm might not accomplish these things, but I'll never quit.

   I think the Death Penalty Should be something BAD ASS..

   Blanket on .. too hot. Blanket off .. too cold, one leg out? PERFECT!

   of course it was in the last place I looked....why would I keep looking in another place after I found it?????

   its always when your writing something important you always run out of sp

   Shaq maybe retiring, but his movies will live on forever (in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart).

   I have an appointment with a specialist to look into my memory problems... and apparently, it was yesterday.

   I can't wait till October for when Rapture the sequel comes out.

   Never thought it would happen but I actually got hungry watching 2 girls 1 cup

   If you have alzhiemers and get amnesia....Do you forget that can't you remember anything?

   what the Woman really mean Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

   If I ever host an orgy, first rule: cel phones off - unless you're making a porno with it.

   In hindsight, allowing girls into our treehouse would have been a great idea.

   It's 2011, microwaves should have one button that says Cook Shit.

   You know you're in the wrong part of town, when you start seeing pay phones...