Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening

   If you have something to say raise your hand, and put it over your mouth.

   A beer lover is born with a beer compass within. He always knows where to find it!

   what do you call a Chinese man with a camera?....... Phil Ming

   What do you call a group of chickens? A bucket

   i do not always use internet explorer but when I do, its to download a new web browser

   My neighbor must have not paid her internet bill. I can't get on the internet.

   Just Because You Know My Name Doesn't Mean You KNOW Me

   Girls are not toys. You cant pick them up and drop them whenever you want.

   I have more friends on Facebook then I do for real

   People have champagne taste with a beer budget in a materialistic world...

   If I started feeding our pig sugar now. Would I have to make the glaze later or would it come built in?

   Typical Saturday Morning: Who's bed is this and where are my pants?

   in the worst pain I've ever been in!! Hit a dry spot on a Slip n' Slide.

   Anyone who says having a child is the best moment of their life has obviously never had two kit-kats fall out of a vending machine at once

   A friend will calm you down when you are angry. A best friend will skip beside you with a bat singing, "Someones gonna get it"

   Even if Mexico wins, they still lose, because they have to go back to Mexico...

   Today I realised that I am spending too much time chatting... someone told me a really funny joke... and I almost said LOL instead of laughing!

   Press Like for Blackberry & Dislike for Iphone

   Go to google, type in "Who is the cutest" and click on "I m feeling lucky" :D