Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I have to take my paycheck to the bank. Its too little to go by itself.

   Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking

   I tried to hang myself with a bungee chord. I kept almost dying

   Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

   Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.

   All I know is- If you let a month go by without reporting your missing child, then you are guilty of something.

   The sad part about this whole Casey Anthony ordeal is that she will probably have her own TV show.. and write a book that half of the americans will buy... its sad.

   Angry husband is not satisfied with his wife & sends an sms to his Mother in law. Your product is not matching my requirements. Smart Mother in law replys - Warranty expired, manufacturer not responsible after seal is broken.

   “I can neither confirm or deny…” In my book, that's a yes.

   You know you had Taco Bell when the toilet seat remains warm between visits...

   hoping Casey Anthony gets her next period in a shark tank

   What an amazing state .. Florida screws up elections and trials

   That awkard moment when you really wished Kayne West had intrrupted the Casey's Not Guilty Verdict.

   Sitting at home, inhaling large amounts of helium, and calling random phone numbers; seeing people just wanna talk!

   Everyone needs to just calm down, I have it on good authority that the Anthony case has been re-opened! There was a witness and he just so happens to be the presiding judge. Trial is set to begin the moment she takes her last breath.

   172 days, 1 hour and 25 minutes until christmas! But hey, whos counting

   Kim Kardashian on Twitter: "Casey Anthony not guilty? I am speechless!" Someone replied: "So was Nicole Brown's family when your dad got OJ off".

   Casey's fate was decided by 12 peers too stupid to get out of jury duty

   writing about music is like dancing about architecture

   I have a buddy that is a vegetarian not because he loves animals but because he hates plants!!!