Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Next up on espn , womans soc... click.

   Whoever wants to kill Casey Anthony, should probably do so in Florida.

   Not So Good Pick-up Line #7: Girl, your dad must be a lobster… because all your meat is in the tail!

   I think I had too much to drink last night because I left the door open the whole time I was peeing. That might not sound bad, but when you're driving 65 mph, it can cause all kinds of problems.

   America has Talent..but a little weak on the selection process for Jurors in Florida

   Casey Anthony tried to celebrate her acquittal last night at Chili's but waiters kept walking by singing, "I want my babyback babyback babyback... I want my babyback babyback babyback..."

   I guess what I'm proudest of is my ability to make the tough choices in hypothetical situations.

   The coffee maker is moving so slow, it's upsetting the space-time continuum.

   A cop tried to pull me over for not having a rear-view mirror, but I didn't see him.

   How can you look at some of the people you see in Wal-Mart and still believe in Intelligent Design?

   the next thing Casey Anthony googles better be "Self Defense"

   The jury was carefully selected based on their beliefs. Primarily, the ir belief that the Sun circles the Earth, and the preferred method of courtship is to bonk a woman over the head with a club then drag her into a cave.

   What if they read a list of everything youve ever typed into Google before entering Heaven..

   Why even ask how my weekend was if youre just going to interrupt me halfway through to say Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.

   Heres your social security card. Its paper & has to last you forever. Dont laminate it. Good luck! -The Government

   I had a bad feeling Casey was getting off the hook when I saw the envelope the verdict was in had been sealed by duct tape.

   My neighbor knocked on my door at three in the morning! Can you believe that? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.

   One day... Facebook, Youtube, Myspace and Friendster will come together as one. It will be called, FookYouMyFriend.

   Excuse me Casey Anthony but Kanye West says OJ had the best murder trial of all time!!!

   If diamonds are a girls best friend and a dog is mans best friend, who really is the dumber sex?