Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I planned to graduate Camping School but I failed Tent Grade.

   Every time I get an eyelash in my eye I’m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild..

   From Thunderdome .....to funeral home. RIP Tina Turner.

   I think it is so unfair that I have to manage my anger because other people can't manage their stupidity.

   Stop saying you support local businesses when you eat at chain restaurants, shop at big box stores, and only attend major league sporting events.

   Playing cooking simulator

   There is no need for Rolling Stones tribute bands. The real Stones are bad enough.

   there a dark web site for black market Q-Tips? These new ones suck.

   If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.

   TikTok. Exemplifying the devolution of mankind one imbecilic post at a time.

   Joe Biden

   I was outside today and man is it hot. I was sweating more than Brandon at a press conference..

   I would just like to take a minute to give a big shout-out to the inventor of croutons. Who knew you could take stale bread and make so many different flavors. Recycling before recycling was cool!

   Parenting is just putting throw pillows back on the couch every ten minutes until you die.

   According to a new study, millennials are waiting longer to have sex. Because, unlike my generation, they have to watch a 30-second ad first.

   Dental appointment tomorrow... Before going, I like to eat taffy, oreos, & pumpkin seeds. It’s makes me feel like I’m getting my money’s worth.

   Question...Does a UFO remain an UFO once you identify it as a UFO?

   A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

   Do you know what happens after 8 tequila shots? Me neither.

   Quick question for the medical professionals, should my blood glucose number be higher or lower than the mileage on my 6-year-old car