Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Lil Wayne = 5% Black 95% Tattoos.

   I'm pretty sure the guy who invented dino nuggets had a heck of a time trying to explain to everyone else what he was aiming to achieve.

   Dear Real Life, why don't you have background music?

   Everything is so much funnier when you're not allowed to laugh

   Reading your best friend's status and thinking, "Ha! I know exactly who that's about!"

   My relationship status is like my iPad... I don't have an iPad

   2011: I'm sexy and I know it. 1836: I am physically attractive and I am aware of this statement.

   Some people are just not worth my energy.

   Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn't leave something that can be traced back to you

   That split second when you are 100% sure ur gunna die after you lean to far back in ur chair

   i hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we havent thought about in a while...demons."

   Money means nothing to me. If you don't believe me, ask me for money. You'll get nothing.

   Seriously guys , she didn't slap me on the face for calling her a b**ch, its just that I forgot to raise my hand when she wants to high five with me.

   A Jealous Woman Does Better Research Than A FBI Agent

   I'm on the road to happiness and ain't a stop sign in sight :-)

   Who ever invented the "Knock- Knock jokes" should get a No-bell prize

   I bet David Stern is rejecting this divorce and making Kobe and Vanessa stay married.

   Vanessa Bryant files for divorce... I wonder if Kobe asked her if she would do his own version of the triangle offense?

   White parents say, "Good morning, time for school" ...Black parents say, Getcha azz up, don't miss that bus

   Are you soft Kitty or smelly cat?