Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Has decided to sell my nudes, $5 to get one, $25 to NOT get one.
←Rate | 10-28-2020 06:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This year's "must have" Halloween costume is a level 4 biohazard suit
←Rate | 10-28-2020 05:52 by Trance-Fonix Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done this year...
←Rate | 10-28-2020 02:17 by MrSharp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I asked my Alexa if she had any pets? who replied "I don’t have any pets. I used to have a few bugs, but they kept getting squashed"
←Rate | 10-27-2020 20:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dating life has been so bad since the coronavirus I asked my Alexa if she could be my girlfriend who said no I like you but only as friends.
←Rate | 10-27-2020 20:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who wear masks while driving are the reason why Pop Tarts come with instructions.
←Rate | 10-27-2020 05:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to wonder why scuba divers fell backwards into the water. Then I realized if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat
←Rate | 10-26-2020 23:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.
←Rate | 10-26-2020 16:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dont think my girlfriend likes my schizophrenia meds, because every time I take them she goes away
←Rate | 10-26-2020 16:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just for the record, a book filled with executive orders and congressional initiatives is not a comprehensive healthcare plan.
←Rate | 10-26-2020 15:14 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I can always tell when a friend spent a lot on their kitchen remodel when I can't find their garbage can.
←Rate | 10-26-2020 00:31 by moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didn't order anything from Amazon yesterday so the UPS guy knocked on our door to see if we're okay...
←Rate | 10-25-2020 18:48 by SABO86 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My husband keeps tapping on the window saying..."look, it's snowing"....if he keeps it up, I suppose am gonna have to let him in.....!!
←Rate | 10-25-2020 13:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook and Twitter are no different than commun¡st countries who control the media. Although they aren't government entities, they still have far reaching influence due to their sizable presence.
←Rate | 10-24-2020 05:36 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bought a watch at a secondhand store and it's real slow. I played cards with my buddies later that evening and the second hand lost a second every second hand.
←Rate | 10-23-2020 22:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm beginning to believe whoever said "Hindsight is 2020" was sending a message to the future we all misunderstood.
←Rate | 10-23-2020 21:32 by moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's important to look closely at all the campaign signs. Last election I voted for a real estate agent.
←Rate | 10-23-2020 18:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was kidnapped by a gang of Mimes earlier!! They did unspeakable things to me...!
←Rate | 10-22-2020 18:38 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is like a helicopter... I don't know how to operate a helicopter.
←Rate | 10-22-2020 18:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know I have to watch Borat 2 to get the full story on the Rudy situation. But until the movie comes out, I'm gonna assume Rudy is guilty because it pisses people off.
←Rate | 10-22-2020 08:23 Comments (0)  




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