Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 328 of 6386
Baker: Is there a problem? Cannibal, returning a mincemeat pie: You’re damn right there’s a problem!
←Rate |
11-20-2020 08:08
Comments (0)
My phone autocorrected the word ”never” to ”beef feet.” Yes, phone, ”beef feet” is what I meant. ”Beef feet” say die.
←Rate |
11-20-2020 08:08
Comments (0)
To whom it may concern, If you are reading this, that means there’s nothing you can do about it now.
←Rate |
11-20-2020 08:08
Comments (0)
I’m so lucky my husband invested $100,000 in a mask company right before the pandemic. I mean it was a Halloween mask company but still…
←Rate |
11-20-2020 08:07
Comments (0)
To answer your question: No, I’ve never been sought after, but I did once confuse a man’s intentions toward my lasagna as being sought after so I married him.
←Rate |
11-20-2020 08:07
Comments (0)
Could it be I'm already thinking about my Thanksgiving dinner? Because it appears to me that Rudy is sweating gravy...
←Rate |
11-20-2020 07:37
Comments (0)
My philosophy? People who have creepy dungeons probably don't wear a watch. So, when a stranger asks for the time, I pepper spray them.
←Rate |
11-20-2020 05:44
Comments (0)
Face tattoos should come with a mandatory monitoring device on their ankle...
←Rate |
11-19-2020 22:47
Comments (1)
She is like a low profile tire, sexy, but gonna cost you a bunch of money.
←Rate |
11-19-2020 19:30
Comments (0)
Just saw a chick sitting on the tip of a fire hydrant. That image gave me a whole new meaning of W.A.P!
←Rate |
11-19-2020 15:17
Comments (0)
You know you having a bad day when every good lawyer you have quits and all you have left is a guy who got tricked by Borat.
←Rate |
11-19-2020 12:42
Comments (0)
Stop putting jumpsuits in with the dresses! I don’t want to take off all my clothes to pee!!!
←Rate |
11-19-2020 09:20
Comments (0)
Sorry I’m late to the zoom meeting, my toddler insisted I diaper her unicorn and the tail kept getting in the way
←Rate |
11-19-2020 09:18
Comments (0)
I’ve not been into the office since March, but I can still smell the boiled eggs my coworker ate at lunch on that last day.
←Rate |
11-19-2020 09:18
Comments (0)
CNN, CBS, ABC, NBC News and Facebook did to our parents what they said video games would do to us.
←Rate |
11-19-2020 09:16
Comments (0)
Telling people "Don't go out and by up all the toilet paper" will cause people to go out and by up all the toilet paper.
←Rate |
11-19-2020 08:58
Comments (0)
I can predict the future, for example, sıɥʇ pɐǝɹ oʇ sʎɐʍǝpıs pɐǝɥ ɹnoʎ uɹnʇ pןnoʍ noʎ ʍǝuʞ I
←Rate |
11-19-2020 01:22 by Moon
Comments (0)
Don't be like a Pilgrim this Thanksgiving going around spreading disease.
←Rate |
11-18-2020 23:02
Comments (0)
Mother Nature gave man a set of balls solely to propagate the species. God gave man a set of balls solely for scratching.
←Rate |
11-18-2020 22:14 by Fazzy
Comments (0)
all I wanna do is [gunshot noise] [gunshot noise] [gunshot noise] [gunshot noise] [gunshot noise] move to a safer neighborhood
←Rate |
11-18-2020 16:27
Comments (0)