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You know what this healthy salad needs? Stale bread – the inventor of croutons
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12-08-2020 08:04
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Has anyone lived long enough to buy a 2nd bottle of Worchestershire sauce ?
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12-08-2020 08:03
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If like me you’ve ever been accused of being born in a barn and want to chat about it, remember, my door is always open.
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12-08-2020 08:03
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everything I know about british people was learned from watching Mr Bean and honestly I’ve seen enough
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12-08-2020 08:02
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My dog’s dinner: premium organic grain-free no salt or sugar GM free 80% meat 20% veg My dinner: Haribo
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12-08-2020 08:02
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I’m loyal to my bakery. It’s called pastriotism.
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12-08-2020 08:01
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My brain at 6am: I’m tired. My brain at 9am: I’m tired. My brain at 1pm: I’m tired. My brain at 5pm: I’m tired. My brain at 2am: Are shawls oversized scarves or undersized blankets?
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12-08-2020 08:00
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I sold the armchair I had in my room and now I have nowhere to put my clean laundry and stare at it for 8 days??
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12-08-2020 08:00
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Friend: I think I smell burnt toast Me: that’s awesome! You don’t have Covid
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12-08-2020 07:59
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when someone you thought looked great for 50 announces they’re 41 there is no way to unfurrow your brow in time
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12-08-2020 07:59
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I have a confession to make. When I was 9, I'd lick my arm and smell it.
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12-07-2020 19:05
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where do I sign to get microchipped and controlled by the government i'm tired of making my own decisions
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12-07-2020 13:58
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My bank just sent me an email starting with “we’re all in this together” and then told me my monthly fees are going up
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12-07-2020 13:54
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Thank you everyone ! In celebration of my birthday today - l will match any cash donations given to me.
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12-07-2020 11:27 by
Smeebert
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For years my Wife only has sex with me on my birthday. But now she has Alzheimer's, so I tell her it is my birthday everyday.
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12-06-2020 11:30
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Selena: *Trying to Rest In Peace* Her parents: get up you got a gig 🤪🤦🏻🤣
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12-06-2020 01:09 by
@svaldez187
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The greatest comedians don't say funny things, they say things funny.
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12-05-2020 22:33 by
Fazzy
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How many cuckold convervatives does it take to stop a dictator? Answer: None. They would rather sit at home and jerk off to one..
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12-05-2020 21:32 by
Licentia
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Seeing how some people wear their masks, I now understand how contraceptives fail.
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12-05-2020 20:23
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Going outside to vacuum the driveway. I do this every so often... just to ensure the neighbors never talk to me...
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12-05-2020 10:08 by
Gabe
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