Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   *stops midway* wait….did you say shrek or shark -me as a tattoo artist

   I love going places just to spend the entire time taking my kids to the bathroom

   Funny how children make accidents in darkness but accidents in the dark make children.

   If you dated a Sagittarius or a Leo don't worry about what's in the Vaccine

   I know this isn't the time for this y'all. But Capitol and Capital are two different words

   I can’t work as a cashier. The minute your card declines imma say “DAMNNN!”

   Can you give someone a skin graft from your butt Ass skin for a friend.

   If you gonna keep going back to a toxic relationship, deactivate yer social media

   My Mom sent me a friend request.... BLOCKED, you not one of my lil friends remember?

   Anyone know how long it takes to get hearing aids back from repair? I sent mine off two weeks ago and haven't heard anything since

   Maybe when the stuff was going down at the Capitol on Wednesday, the Government should have sent in Social Workers instead of the police.

   There are three sides to every argument: Your side, the other person's side, and the correct side.

   I lost my watch at a party once.An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at that party.Infuriated, I immediately went over,punched him in the face and broke his nose.No one does that to a woman,not on my watch

   I still can't believe some people's survival instincts told them to grab toilet paper.

   While walking outside a random lady walks up to me. Her: No mask? Me: No underwear either.

   Remember when our biggest fear in 2019 was lettuce?

   I'd like to cancel my subscription to 2021. I've experienced the 7-Day Free Trial and I'm not interested.

   If I post something that you don’t like, just ignore it like you ignore the corruption of the government.

   Well it was a solid 5 days. Here's to 2022! 🥂

   And just like that, the left support police officers.