Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If there are kids singing Christmas carols outside, is it rude to open the door and throw beer cans at them? Because I just did that.

   Jussie, you've been found guilty but please don't beat yourself up over it.

   Can't wait for the fat man to show up on Christmas eve, and no I'm not talking about Trump.

   It's all fun and games. . . Until Santa checks the naughty list.

   Took my car into the mechanic. It was making a horrible high-pitched squeal. He said it was coming from the the Mariah Carey Christmas CD.

   perkatory (PUR kah tawr ē) n.: The anguished, prolonged period of time waiting for a fresh pot of coffee to finish brewing.

   Dear Santa: Either you give me what I want for Christmas or I'll turn Rudolph and Comet into a piece of deer jerky. Make it happen, fat man!

   Here's a Christmas Idea for yas... Cheech and Chong advent calendars with 1 gram of different weed a day .

   I just want to be fit enough to put my seatbelt on, without crying.

   I don't know why people see a stutter as being a negative thing. I love people with stutters. It's like they're giving you a drum roll before they start talking.

   I'm all for minorities being able to vote, as long as they vote for Trump.

   Everything I know about dancing I learned from the Charlie Brown Christmas party.

   Dear Facebook: Stop suggesting people I may know. Yes I know them. But I don't like them.

   Omicron and Delta is an anagram for Media Control.

   Christmas is truly a magical time. It's made all my money disappear!

   ATTENTION EVERYONE: I have an announcement to make. Santa just confirmed that I have been very good this year!

   Burn a body in a crematorium and you're "being respectful". . . Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence".

   If you look at "OMICRON," add the letters "SETAGLLIB" and then remove the letters "NORCIMO," the remaining letters spell "BILL GATES." Makes you think, doesn’t it?

   If you notice, 2021 backwards is 1202. If you take away the 1 and the 0, you'll have 22. It doesn't mean anything but thanks for reading.

   I just found out Donald Trump is actually vaccinated. What's up with that!? What a traitor!