Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Looking for a man to help fill my...humm..."whole" 
Portland's waste water treatment facility has the best motto..... "Our duty is clear"
"Bellichek, why hast thou foresaken reason & signed Tebow?" — Jesus
The only thing more insane than Tim Tebow believing the universe was created in 6 days is the Patriots believing in Tim Tebow.
Belichick, Brady, & Tebow: The NFL's Father, Son, & Holy Ghost.
I think Bill Belichick is the perfect coach to develop Tebow into an elite clipboard holder
ironically, to a Patriots fan like me, the signing of Tim Tebow is proof there is no god.
Living in Oklahoma I get a lot of dumb questions like "Where's the Buffalo?" & "why do I have to show you my bo0bies for directions to the buffalo?"
Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
"What do we want?" "Hearing aids." "When do we want them?" "Hearing aids."
"We find the defendant....right there, in the chair next to the defense attorney" "Good work jury, now its your turn to hide"
That "Free Smells" sign they hang in the window at Jimmy John's sandwich shops? Yeah, it's a lie. They totally asked me to leave.
Someday i'll live in my OWN basement!
Do Amish murderers get the acoustic chair?
Chad Johnson got 30 days in jail for slapping his lawyer's ass. Good thing he didn't bring a cooler of Gatorade.
If anything ever happens to me, this family is in trouble. Apparently I'm the only one around here who has the recipe for ice cubes and knows where the dishwasher is located. The remote control is safe, though.
Negative people need drama like oxygen.Stay positive...it will take their breath away ..!
Never date someone that you don't really like. the desire to be wanted is different from the desire to be with the one you love
I'm looking for a retractable leash. I hate when my pet turtle gets ahead of me when I go for a run.
12 years of the Patriot Act and now people are upset about Verizon? 