Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 253 of 6385
If you want to capture someone’s attention, whisper ~ Creepy Joe
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06-26-2021 02:29
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Damn, it's hotter than a spoon at Hunter Biden's house outside.
Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Night gets longer. Life gets better. Wait... what? The humidity? Kindly disregard all.
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06-25-2021 09:14
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Did you know one of the Vaccine side effects is improved Eyesight ? After 2 doses you'll find you can now see the light at the end of the Tunnel.
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06-25-2021 07:20
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I'm glad McDonald's doesn't sell hotdogs. I'd feel really awkward ordering a McWeiner, and don't even get me started on Super Size.
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06-24-2021 18:18 by MM
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Hey, guess what me and Rudy Giuliani have in common? We both can't practice law in New York.
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06-24-2021 14:26
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Where exactly do they find those hot women in the calendar on the wall behind the front counter at the mechanic's garage? Enquiring minds want to know.
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06-24-2021 10:40 by ITAM
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All I said to the person in front of me at the grocery store checkout line was "beautiful mustache"...a COMPLIMENT. Then, for no reason at all, she got all angry, gave me a dirty look, grabbed her purse, and walked out....
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06-24-2021 02:12 by J-Mac
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You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff some guys pay money for in later life.
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06-21-2021 17:39 by Matt
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Coolant means something else when it comes out of the engine lid when you've been driving for 30kms
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06-21-2021 13:49
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hear me out- let’s have pet sitters release one harmless flying insect into your home every 2 days you’re gone to keep the pets amused
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06-21-2021 09:56
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an emergency cyanide capsule to bite when someone’s about to explain bitcoin
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06-21-2021 09:56
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Establish dominance at a restaurant by bringing your own menu.
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06-21-2021 09:56
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Father’s Day just keeps getting bigger every year, thanks to DNA testing.
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06-21-2021 08:53
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Honey is one of my favorite kind of animal vomit to eat.
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06-21-2021 08:51
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My adopted highway called the Department of Transportation to find his real father.
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06-21-2021 08:36
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They should make a Morning After pill for people who eat an entire large pizza the night before.
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06-20-2021 08:39
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Between Gaay Pride and Juneteenth, I say we eliminate this month altogether.
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06-20-2021 07:27
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Every time my woman sends me to the grocery store to pick up a cucumber, I always buy a jar of Vaseline, so people don't think I'm a vegan .
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06-19-2021 19:05
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This can't be the same 92° I used to run around outside in as a kid.
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06-19-2021 13:36
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