Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 25 of 6384
Already messed up 2024. Maybe 2025 will be my year.
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01-03-2024 13:52 by Rick
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Today is 2/366. This is a leap year, which means the earth gave you an extra day to make things how you want.
Not to brag but cashier's always check me out.
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01-01-2024 18:13
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I haven’t been this excited about a new year since last year.
Any website can be a dating website... if you're from India.
I’m not sure what to wear to the living room for New Year’s Eve. I might not even go.
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12-30-2023 12:44 by Rickstar
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Okay now that Christmas is over, I'm ready for summer!
You women may be surprised to learn, that making us sleep on the couch isn't that bad. It's kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping... with a really angry bear nearby.
Instead of your New Year resolution centering around smoking and dieting, how about working on not being an asshole?
To get rid of unwanted junk during the holidays, put it in an Amazon box and leave it on the porch.
Funny Christmas
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12-27-2023 22:14
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After Christmas
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12-27-2023 21:12
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I try my best to be a thoughtful husband. So, I surprised my wife with a new bag and belt for Christmas ! The old vacuum cleaner is gonna run like new now .
Today I roasted a chicken. He pretended to laugh but I think I actually rattled him a little bit.
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12-25-2023 21:41
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OK, what genius decided to call them "Falsies" and not "Delusions of Glandular"?
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12-25-2023 14:42
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The reason it's called laSAGna, is because after you eat as much of it as I do, parts of your body being to "sag on ya."
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12-25-2023 10:41 by McF
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There's no profit in healthy people.
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12-25-2023 08:00
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Don't forget to tip your food delivery drivers this Christmas as Santa is watching, who's also a delivery guy.
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12-24-2023 15:59
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Like what about tall apartment buildings? Does Santa ride the elevator to each floor? How does he carry all the presents in one bag and how does he get into the apartments? I can't wrap my mind around it.
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12-22-2023 19:55
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Wrapping some Christmas presents and just want to say that if any of you get a really nice pair of scissors from me I need them back.
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12-22-2023 19:14
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