Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.

   I went to my 35th high school reunion and realized that "the one that got away" turned into a "dodged a bullet."

   Me: You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you're smart too, I like that.

   A recent survey reported that three quarters of men don’t know how to turn on the dish washer. I find that licking her nipples and a light gentle fingering usually does the trick

   The bad thing about aging is that sooner or later, "bust a move" turns into "bust a hip."

   Oreos dont ask silly questions....oreos just understand.

   No you're mom was so last Friday night...

   Gas so high in Brockton that it hasn't been a drive-by in 2 months.”

   X says There is no problem in the entire world that could not be resolved if everyone would just do it Jimmy Buffett's way!!

   Thx for the info Copernicus, but that crap ain't funny. You need to take it to the boring site.

   At the time of passion, stuupidity and anger or survival, when you just want to satisfy yourself, there is no religious man.

   There is no problem in the entire world that could not be resolved if everyone would just do it my way.

   Women belong in the kitchen. Men belong in the kitchen. Everyone belongs in the kitchen. There's food in there!

   Religion is only for frightening children to obey old people.

   Don't feel bad if you don't enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That's what matters.

   Its not enough to just be in a relationship, now you have to state what type too? FB is out of control!!! What the heck is a open domestic partnership? That's just pimping ....

   Religion is only for frighten children to obey old people.

   It all went to hell when attacking what we hate became more important than defending what we love.

   It is a different kind of quiet when you go from talking to someone everyday to nothing, even if they live in another city.....

   Sylvester Stallone and his buddy Arnold Schwarzenegger have teamed up, and they've got a blockbuster action movie opening this weekend. They're a little older now than they use to be, but go see the movie. It's called "Escape From Assisted Living."