Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 222 of 6385
Anyone else find it funny that during Pride Month, So many people said "why does the military only get one day" but I have not heard Anyone say it today
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11-11-2021 20:57
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Date a woman with outstanding warrants. That way, she can't call the police on you. Follow me for more relationship advice.
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11-11-2021 11:43
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Brace yourselves. Here come all the imbeciles to remind us that Veterans Day is for the living and Memorial Day is for the deceased.
I'd rather have questions that can't be answered than answers that can't be questioned.
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11-10-2021 10:21
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Luggage rack or cop car is the road trip game you hate to lose
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11-10-2021 09:39
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My wife clips coupons to help save us money. She keeps them in her $300 Coach purse.
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11-10-2021 08:19
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I'm glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake and a hug as a greeting instead of the whole a$$ sniffing thing.
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11-10-2021 06:34
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Waiter: would you like a little quiche before your main sir? Me: ok, but no tongue
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11-09-2021 11:13
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If there's someone to blame all your failures on, it might as well be Big Bird.
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11-08-2021 17:23
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My heart goes out to families of those who lost their lives at the Travis Scott concert. It must be terrible to find out that your kids were into rap music.
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11-08-2021 15:14 by Templar
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I was told the clocks go back this weekend, but I can't remember where I bought them...
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11-08-2021 11:16 by Gabe
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Haha I can see it now "pot stamps" for people that can't afford to buy their pot.
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11-07-2021 15:53 by MM
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When you get to be my age, older women interested in younger men are no longer classified as Cougars. Especially in my case. They're more like Laughing Hyenas.
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11-07-2021 12:05 by Fazzy
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Irony: Justin Bieber starts selling weed and rapping. That still doesn't make his music worth listening to.
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11-06-2021 15:56
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Here's a fun math trick. Let's start with the number 100. Now take your age. If you believe anything that QAnon spews, subtract your age from 100. You now have your IQ.
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11-05-2021 14:28
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I just had a bowel movement that was more forced than the interview portion of Jeopardy.
I preferred “meta” when it was attached to “mucil.”
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11-04-2021 11:16
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My dog brought me a stick he retrieved from over 150 yards away. That's pretty far fetched.
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11-04-2021 08:53
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These days when I say I’m “hittin it,” I’m talking about my pillow.
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11-03-2021 15:29
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Michael Myers in his 60’s walking around killing people like he got no lower back pain
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11-03-2021 08:52
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