Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   That moment when you realize you will probably never be half the man your mother is...

   I made this status nice and short so you can just move on with your life.

   this is lame as f***

   Yo I'm not even American and I hate your your dumb a$$ . Justin Bieber just send me a text from Canada he said he hates your dumb A$$ wait wait Jose Rodriguez from Mexico email me and said ( te odio maldito idiota)

   If you hate America leave & dont post here anymore for already.

   America hates your dumb a$$ and all of us here

   Hate America ? Everyone Hates america until your being ass raped by dictators

   Lick the $hit Stain our the crack of my Super Bowl you dip$hit

   WHERE IS FUNNY

   I was talking SOCCER, not RUGBY...Stay on subject...EEJIT!!

   I'm a hopeless romantic with a dirty mind.

   Sorry I lied about being on the pill and now you are connected to me until you die. - WOMEN

   I get it, American football was made after Americans realised they sucked at rugby.

   The only thing your inspirational tweets inspire me to do is b*tch slap you so you'll stop.

   I guess papa johns is going to start serving pizza turnovers

   I want to be the reason you scream, even of it's because I turned off the WiFi

   Hate it when my finger pokes through the toilet paper mid-wipe. Other than that, I've enjoyed my first week working at the old people's home

   If there is no WiFi in heaven that sounds like hell to me.

   "Google before you post" is the new "think before you speak".

   Who had a better Sunday, Phillip Seymour Hoffman or Peyton Manning???