Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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The Year??.. 2033,, The year is 2047, After a series of mergers and acquisitions,, The Doritos Locos McWhopper Chipotle Latte Wrap, has become the only source of nutrition 
Yo Bi%ch, you hate your parents so much that you have to post it on Facebook. Orphans cry hearts out to have such loving and caring parents. Love your Parents.
Reality Show Idea: A funeral home where the casket is turned into a mechanical bull.. Whoever rides it the longest gets the person's belongings.
Would the real #imsofunny please stand up?
This whiskey would pair nicely with soft bosoms.
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
You know that one idiot that always flies by you when the roads are crappy? Am I the only one that secretly wishes they would go in the ditch or wreck their car?
I’ll see your two hour spinning class, and raise you 15 minutes on the treadmill
After facing backlash from customers, Subway says it will remove a chemical in its bread that’s also found in yoga mats. Some people were like, “You mean I’ve been eating a dangerous chemical?” While most people were like, “You mean I can eat my
Can't live with her, can't live without her........what if your plane crashes in the Andes
Vietnameese girl working at the parking lot at the olympics in Russia fired after tourist complained that all she said was "SOCHI SOCHI FIVE DOLLA'"
The winter days I have to open the car doors with crowbar is the best.
°ₒ°ₒ* #SochiProblems
Be careful how many sticks and stones you throw at others because some are skilled at building catapults.
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone ...it's time to recharge your phone.
Sorry I can't hangout, my phone is only at 61%.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place to have sex..
The jobs report is so bad Obama should fire somebody, but that would only add to the problem.
gaining weight while you owe me money.. is see that as a sign of dis-respect 