Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
If someone is bothering you with unnecessary calls to your cell number, post their number on eBay with the ad “iPhone 7 for $1 only 
Cleaning with dogs in your house is like brushing your teeth with Oreos.
Remember it didn't start with gas chambers, it started with politicians dividing the people with "us vs. them". It started with intolerance & hate speech and when people stopped caring, became desensitized and turned a blind eye. This is America in 2016.
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
.... If you had to choose between voting for Hillary and getting shot in the leg ...... What caliber would you ask for?
... So .... Hillary earned more delegates in NH than Bernie after she loses by a landslide ..... It's such sweet Irony ... when a Socialist has to give the delegates he earned away to the loser!
Looking for a job in my sofa, bed and surrounding areas.
For those of you not getting the V or the D, Happy alentines ay.
How To Prepare Tofu: Step 1. Throw it in the trash. Step 2. Grill some meat.
My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
Fact: You wish Facebook had the middle finger button.
Men: I don't always scream like a little girl. But when I do, it's because my wife just put her cold, undead feet on my body.
Let's get rid of Valentines Day and replace it with a second Halloween.
They say money doesn't being you happiness.... I say....neither does being broke....
Inspirational Quote For Today: Drink some coffee, put on some gangster rap and handle it.
How to be happy on Valentines Day: Don't expect a goddamn thing from anyone.
Bikini season is just around the corner. Unfortunately, so is the taco food truck.
Each month has an average of 30-31 days....except the last month of pregnancy, which has 1453 days.
Just found my coffee in the microwave for the 7th time today.
Madonna is 57, her boyfriend is 24. Tina Turner is 77, her boyfriend is 42. J Lo is 46, her boyfriend is 28. Still single? Relax, your boyfriend isn't even born yet. 