Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My body just asked for water and I gave it a mini donut because nobody tells me what to do.

   Aside from “life is short,” what other spurts of insanity do you use before making bad decisions?

   Everything okay, Babe? You’ve barely touched your shrimpizza.

   When she grabs your booty and whispers, “thick a$$-niggggaa imma get you pregnant.”

   Re-reading my own post every time someone likes it. “Ah yes, quality content.”

   I hide at work, because a good employee is hard to find.

   When there are no police, most crimes will carry the death penalty.

   doing strange things in the name of art.

   Shout out to the person Who is the first to say they’re going home and breaks the seal for the rest of the guests to be like “Gyess we will head out also” Jest sayin

   Please keep your dogs and children quiet in the mornings. Some of us have been up all night setting off fireworks. Thank you!

   I do not agree with what you have to say, but I will defend until death your right to say it.

   To suppress free speech is a double wrong. It violates the rights of hearer as well as those of the speaker.

   From now on, we’ll be referring to Corona Virus as Kung-Flu or Sweet and Sour Sicken.

   Had a hen who could count her own eggs, she was a mathmachicken.

   Octopuses are just wet spiders.

   If she starts drawing shapes on your chest after sex, just get up and leave. A very stupid question is coming.

   Tonight’s Powerball Jackpot is up to a full tank of gas and a buggy load of groceries.

   Spanish word of the day: Beach. Joe Biden is China’s little beach.

   The best zoom calls are the ones where a pet makes a cameo like Stan Lee in one of the Marvel movies.

   I like my coffee so strong it shows up on a drug test.