Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   poor life decisions on your part, does not constant an emergancy on my part.

   has an app for that.

   the journey of one thousand miles begins with a single cup of coffee

   pre drinking for new years

   iAm so tired of hearing about stupid iPhone apps...

   Sick of all the iPhone ads? There's an app for that.

   My Wife says I'm too Immature, and if I don't Grow Up it's going to erect a barrier between us .....Hee Hee Hee....Erect

   ___________________/\_____________\0/_______'' Help Shark''

   wondering if he can grow weed on farmville and sell it on mafia wars........Moscow....

   if you dont like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk!

   Forgiveness = revenge completed!

   At the peak of the storm, the shallowness of the root structure is revealed.

   Sometimes you have to be completely torn down before you can be rebuilt.

   wonders if the local Palm Reader that went out of business saw it coming?

   wondering why there are Interstate highways in Hawaii?

   sick of people saying "im so sick I feel like ive been hit by a truck" well, I have a truck if they really want to know the feeling! :)

   When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy.

   When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear

   Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect -and I don't live to be- but before you start pointing fingers...make sure you hands are clean!

   happy that the "balloon boy" is safe...for a minute there I thought maybe Michael Jackson ordered carry-out from heaven!