Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

   I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

   A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

   Adults are just kids who owe money.

   thanks to all of my fb friends, for without them, I would never know when the work week ends.

   Jesus saves... He must shop at Wall*Mart...

   This weekends forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out

   to me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, Hey, can you give me a hand? You can say, Sorry, got these sacks.

   finally found out your password, dont bother changing it, I already did!

   headed back to 1988 to pick up a few thousand Microsoft stocks

   reading another chapter of How to Make Balloon Animals for Dummies - So far I can make a snake...

   cooking an Indian tonight. It's the best way to get rid of the evidence before he's reported missing

   Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

   handing out clean needles at the Betty Ford Clinic

   wonders if there is another word for synonym!

   has not lost his mind; it's backed up on disk somewhere.

   waking up in vegas

   Sexy,Single and ready to mingle!!!

   auditioned to be the 5th Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but sadly, is too old.

   doesn't blame Congress. If I had 600 billion does I would be irresponsible too...