Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Since it's throwback Thursday, Ima throwback some booze!

   I hope the next iPhone has a stronger Vibrator.

   P0rn is so unrealistic. There is no way in hell a guy with a ponytail would own a house that nice.

   I can't decide if I should lay off the booze or just lay in it.

   If you cry loudly enough at a Walmart everyone will just assume you work there.

   I’d rather wear Rosie O’Donnell’s dirty underwear as a ski mask than turn Facebook chat on.

   These days HD is so good, when you watch an NFL game you can see the murder evidence.

   What's worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?

   “You wore that before” yea because it’s my shirt and I have a washing machine!

   Show me on this Fat Albert doll exactly where Bill Cosby touched you

   If you're out of high school and making min wage, you're doing it wrong.

   I wonder if Dr. Huxtable wrote his own prescriptions for roofies?

   A man was arrested in England for robbing a store not with a gun; but holding a picture of a gun. God it takes courage to be that stupid.

   Analysts say Obama's new immigration plan will focus on deporting violent criminals. So, this could impact your fantasy football team.

   Due to extreme weather in upstate New York, some drivers were stranded in their cars for up to 36 hours. It was intense. Some of them reported hearing that new Taylor Swift song on the radio as many as 100 times....

   Don't judge you by you looks? Kinda hard when you have 50 tattoos, 30 pierceings, a stupid haircut, and a shirt that says you hate me.

   to the one asking us to learn the effing language, we are bilingual, how about you? jealous perhaps?? :D

   Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you.

   Did you ever notice that Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he came out of the shower?

   Ferguson is going to kick off their black Friday shopping events with the Darren Wilson verdict.