Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   No trees were harmed in the posting of this Facebook status, but several million electrons were mildly inconvenienced.

   wonders why, if vegetarian food tastes so good, do they keep eating Turkey-flavored this, Sausage-like that, and Meat-like Balls Marinara?

   you`ll notice after reading this notice, that this notice isn`t worth noticing

   When it comes to driving, anybody going slower than me is an idiot, and anyone going faster than me is a maniac.

   Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an idiot

   going to wear underwear on the outside of his clothes tomorrow to see if people assume he's crazy, or a superhero.

   Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.

   thought john and kate plus eight was a porno.

   someone needs to tell PETA that the White House is a "NO FLY ZONE".

   Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

   thinking God must love stupid people...he made so many!

   have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?

   has his popularity validated by the best organizations.... Even the Police consider me a person of interest!

   wonders if Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

   wondering what people in China call their good dishes?????

   the entrepreneur in me thinks I should be selling rocks in the streets of Iran.

   say's never go to a Doctor whose plants are dead in the waiting room!

   thinks there are better things in life than alcohol, but alcohol makes up for not having them

   wounders If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

   wear his wife's eyeglasses because she wants him to see things her way