Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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my nephew turns 3 this august but since money tight we just not gone tell him 
I started taking Metamucil today in case you’re looking for a regular hero.
Stop saying “you can’t make this stuff up“. You can make anything up. Watch this: a breakdancing beaver wearing a top hat. A peanut butter and thumbtack sandwich. A baby doing calculus. It’s easy.
Remember: Wearing a mask when driving a car by yourself is only helpful if you stole the car.
I wonder if Bill Cosby's hoping to be on Trump's final pardon list today
If you need me, I’ll be at the park eating bread in front of the ducks
Stubbed my toe leaving the hospital. Called my doctor complaining of a painful discharge.
How high can Mexicans climb?,,,,,,,,,#TrumpsGoogleHistory
it just me, or does Jerry Nadler look like he should be baking cookies in a tree.
Dr. Phil was on TV talking about the importance of having a reward system in place for when your child behaves. I remember having that with my parents, it was called “not getting your arse* beat”!
Apparently referring to a Menage at Trois as a 2 for 1 snack pack will get your Christian Mingle profile deleted
I’m sorry our dog nipped your ankles, but in all fairness you do have squirrels on your socks.
You got 99 problems??well I got 99 bottles of beer on the wall that will solve everything
its always a good friday when your getting paid
You know you need to go grocery shopping when your grapes start tasting like wine
COMING SOON... OSAMA ON PARADE, sources say he will be dragged behind a series of army hummers, police cruisers and firetrucks,he will be taken to ground zero and they will charge 20 dollars to piss on his body, thus clearing our national debt!!
wondering why he must think of himself in the third-person to change his status.
She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger
Why can't Horatio Caine figure out Dexter Morgan is a serial killer?
By forecasting freezing rain, the weatherman told us to have an ice day. 