Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   come on folks.... bring on the funnies

   "Erectile Dysfunction" is such a harsh term. Why not just call it "Sleepy Peepee?"

   I used to wonder what it'd be like to read other people's minds, but then I got a Facebook Account and now I'm over it.

   Facebook needs a "I'll Drink To That" button.

   Bat : $300. Killer Sunglasses: $200. Batting Gloves: $30. Getting called out on strikes in slow pitch softball: PRICELESS.

   Been reading up on the 
thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.

   I refuse to accept your labels like "immature" & "irresponsible" & "don't drink while taking this medication".

   Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.

   Me: You have a horrible memory ... Wife: Well, I guess that's why I still love you.

   The fastest way to get to the front of the line at Starbucks is just to tell everyone you saw Adele outside.

   Claiming a product promotes "Weight Loss" when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming that it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.

   Listening to the news right now .... I'm trying to figure out which ones are the "Real" and which are the "Fake" News Channels. Some are portraying Fidel Castro as a Champion of the People. Is that considered as Real or Fake News?

   This year I'm not giving up anything for Lent. I'm just giving up.

   Day 3 of the flu is going well so far. I managed to brush my teeth without sneezing!!

   Every office should have a Parliament mode, when you don't wanna work, start shouting and go home

   Unless he releases a men’s fragrance, I think Elon Musk should be ordered to legally change his name.

   I am now at the age that I understand the joy on game shows when someone wins new kitchen appliances

   My bachelor pad is lacking a sofa now that Mom wants her Caravan’s third row seating back.

   Rumor has it there's a Tesla floating out in space somewhere. Finders keepers!!!

   I'm kinda glad that dinosaurs are extinct cause I'm pretty sure I'd try to ride one after a few beers.