Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   does not take fashion advice from people who wear crocs

   wondering "Do I think I am Paranoid?"

   attending life, and has no plans afterwards

   wondering why its called a search party....

   considers obese people to be dyslexic anorexic

   decided to continue with the beatings until morale improves

   usually good looking, but today is his day off.

   cool like the other side of the pillow

   gonna change my facebook status, but I got high...

   the answer

   can now be brought to you in HD.

   trying to stop being indecisive, but is not sure about it...

   wondering why his daughter's diaper holds no where near the 22-37 pounds it promises.

   38 years old and still doesn't need glasses . . . I just drink straight out of the bottle!

   regrets to inform you that due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

   the reason for global warming

   the reason Waldo is hiding

   in a relationship with Jack Daniel's.

   busy Saving Humanity from the Evil Decepticons

   not interest in Greys Anatomy, thank you...