Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinks when life hands me lemons, I think Great, more stuff to throw at the Raccoon that lives in my attic!

   saving a lot on his car insurance by fleeing the seen of the accident

   ROTFLMAOASTC

   hungry as a hostage

   would give her right arm to be ambidextrous

   has found her favorite machine at the gym it's the vending machine!

   a serial status changer....

   now available with a bonus DVD; containing deleted scenes and 2 theatrical trailers

   a Great source of Protein

   trying to wipe with plastic wrap.

   My Love Life is currently like NCAA mens Basketball, Its down to the FINAL FOUR! But My Wife has the homecourt Advantage!

   compulsively obsessed with OCD

   if nothing goes right.... go left!

   silence is gloden, but duct tape is silver.

   doesn't make mistakes, she dates them

   amazed at the alarming drop-out rate of sky diving classes

   the alpha and omega....

   may contain nuts.

   happier than a redneck driving a racecar

   not FDA approved yet