Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   say Jesus loves you... He only likes me as a friend, though.

   suffers from compulsive-indecisive disorder. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.

   browsing my facebook friends naked.

   says it's been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom....

   a paranoid schitizophrenic, I think I'm following myself.

   wondering if when French people swear, do they say excuse my English

   without me awesome is only aweso

   wonders if people who use sign language are allowed to talk with their mouth full....

   parachute for sale, used once, never opened!

   had the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.

   lives in her own little world, but it's OK — they all like me here.

   People say that love is in every corner I must be walking in circles!

   keep your hourly updates going, I really am enjoying them...really. /sarcasm

   heavily armed....and not afraid to flab them in your face!!!

   Last night I had a dream I was a muffler and I woke up exhausted...

   only got 4 minutes to save the world

   ashamed of what he did for a klondike bar

   knows is all. I just cant remember it all at once!

   wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.

   absolutely willing to work on weekends ... granted that weekdays are off.