Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   having a facebook moment!

   wondering who is gonna bring me my check now that Ed McMahan is gone ?

   thought "John & Kate Plus 8" sounded like a porno-- Now, definitely, "Kate Plus 8" really sounds like one.

   It's weekend! So drink triple.. see double.. act single!

   if you ever feel bad or depressed, just remember you were once the fastest most victorious sperm in the bunch!!

   is it just me or does anybody else miss the days when music on the radio sounded good, made sense, and actually required talent to make?????

   .............ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

   thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.

   wondering why is there someone in the fitting room at Macy's shouting "we're all out of toilet paper!!"

   wondering if my bed was a circle would I still wake up on the wrong side of the bed?

   If this was 1999, would you have ever thought 10 years from now you could sit on the toilet while updating your facebook status???

   thinks that they should change the name of Starbucks to Fivebucks

   If I were an animal, I'd eat vegetarians

   Hitch hikers don't find it as amusing as I do when I give them the thumbs up as I drive by.

   feels like I am at a crossroad. I know you should take the road less traveled... but then who do you hang out with?

   just risked a car accident to type this

   Sometimes, I wish emails from my family had an *unsubscribe* button at the bottom.

   Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words.

   Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody's drunk in the kitchen.

   Today, my friend from school was saying how her 'nano' died. I quickly responded by saying "so? recharge it." Turns out she didn't say 'nano', she said 'nana'. dammit....