Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.

   would tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don't want to see you every day.

   How does a lesbian hold her liquor? By the ears.

   currently starring in your "Live Feed" ... you may also remember her from past sites such as "News Feed" or your original "Home Page".

   trying to figure out a way to text 'off' to my alarm so I don't have to get up.

   lives in her own world... They know me here.

   dreams of one day moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.

   At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?

   Facebook must be Female. . .just when I think i've figured her out. . . she changes

   Never Drink & Drive. You May Spill The Drink

   Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

   ..is anyone hungry for cat food? I know Iam!

   going to freeze some sperm for later use in life, but wonders if the ice cube tray makes a suitable container

   puts the pro in procrastinate

   ust read a list of 'the 100 things to do before you die'. I'm pretty surprised 'yell for help' wasn't one of them.

   People say I'm too patronising (that means I treat them as if they're stupid).

   thinks her inner skinny girl was eaten by her inner fat girl....

   FACEBOOK..... YOU ARE NOT MY THERAPIST!!! DONT ASK ME WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE!

   perfected the art of making Ramen Noodles in the microwave!

   I'm booking a cruise ship for a trip from reality. I need a count. Who wants tickets?