Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   yay! ive got mail! yay! do you got mail?! ive got mail! yay!

   Live like a kindergartener, you dont have to have the coolest clothes or hottest girlfriend you just have to have the biggest box of crayons

   Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.

   wondering why no matter how hard you pinch the skin on your elbow, it doesnt hurt. I know your trying it now arent you?

   You know times are tough when you go trick or treating and a guy is handing out his resume

   OK Apparntely it's "Illeagal" to cover yourself with blue body paint and put on a pair of smiley face boxers and walk around Walmart claiming to be a giant bag on Halloween!

   8 beers have been taken by parents in my annual Trick or Beer giveaway. The walking parents are thirsty, and appreciative, tonight!

   if you are 17, and still dressing up and coming to my house for Halloween, you sure as hell better say "Trick or Treat" and "Thank You" like the little kids do.

   loves the Snooze button on his alarm clock because there is nothing like starting out your day with a little procrastination

   wonders if the person that keeps using the N word realizes its not color orientated. Sounds like he could be one himself!

   forgot to pick up candy so it looks like I'll be passing out old VHS tapes, colored socks, #2 pencils, some paper clips, and a pack of tighty wities.

   so who has actually used trigonometry since they left school?

   Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.

   thinks copy and paste is the greatest invention ever thinks copy and paste is the greatest invention ever thinks copy and paste is the greatest...

   Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.

   ™ is a registered trademark. All unauthorized reproduction and distribution will lead to prosecution.

   somewhat skepitical you're laughing out loud as much as you claim.

   My alarm clock and I had a fight. It wanted me to get up, I refused. Things escalated. Now I'm awake & it's broken. Not sure who won the fight

   out of order until further notice. We apologize for the inconvenience.

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