Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6258 of 6444

I think Kayne West sould make an appearance on the Jay Leno Show and be like... "I'll let you get back to your show in a minute I just wanna say Conan O'brien has a much better show"
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01-15-2010 07:54
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who said that men can't multitask. I can talk and listen to myself at the same time.
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01-15-2010 07:26
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thinks if in this day and age Mary had a little lamb, the doctor would go, "Damn! another artificial insemination gone wrong, SOMEONE KEEP THE ANIMAL SPECIMENS IN ANOTHER FREEZER"!!!!

There are two rules for success: #1. Don't tell all you know.

Please please God, will you still love me if I don't forward the annoying chain e-mail I got to 25 of my friends?
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01-15-2010 04:17
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knows that your girlfriend is not taking piano classes on sundays
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01-15-2010 04:03
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just got the weather report, and yes, it is snowing in Hell right now, with patches of ice forming. Is that arrogant, entitled, snobby, noble, self-righteous, arrogant attitude back firing on you much, Coakley?
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01-15-2010 03:08
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why is it that every year during the ANNUAL solar eclipse comes it is always once in a MILLENIUM

well I rather tell the truth that draws a tear than a lie that draws a smile

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
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01-15-2010 01:28 by roonster
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just enrolled in Lost University

wondering why they keep midget porn on the top shelf?
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01-15-2010 00:45 by tacoca
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just stole the lint outta your dryer to create a snuggie
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01-15-2010 00:10
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Im Not The Girl Ur Mother Warned you About,,, Her Imagination Was Never This Good ;)
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01-14-2010 23:45
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I have had many friends posting random thoughts. So here I go. If you are in a canoe flying over the grand canyon and a tire falls off how many pancakes does it take to fix a dog house orange elephants dont like ice cream.. Just a thought. :)
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01-14-2010 21:49
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
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01-14-2010 20:32 by Nandika
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has just heard that many stars have been approached to pledge money and support to the victims of the Haiti Earthquake. However, rumours that Will Smith is to re-release`Boom Shake The Room` in aid of the victims have not been confirmed.

gets a kick out of "bobble-head" Obama. Kinda moves his head in a figure eight like Stevie Wonder
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01-14-2010 19:47
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sometimes I feel like a fire hydrant staring at a pack of dogs.
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01-14-2010 19:16 by Tyler
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They say that if life throws you lemons, throw them back or make lemonade. But them b*stards never said anything about if life kicks you in the balls. Yeah, there's no recovery from that one!