Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   and thats when the fart prank went wrong

   When playing "Got your nose," make sure the victim is 1) willing to play, 2) that you're not at a urinal and 3) that it's their nose.

   Who will light the torch in Vancouver tonight? Wayne Gretzky, Paul Shaffer, Geddy Lee?

   how come everytime someone on TV says there's gonna be snow, people go nuts and rush to the supermarket and buy food as if the snow is gonna keep people from stuffing themselves in their homes. Does snow make people more hungry or something??

   woke up this morning feeling like P-Diddy

   and thats how I lost another watch

   an angel. When someone breaks my wings, I simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. I am flexible.

   I love U, I love U, I love U. Don't get me wrong, I love other letters also.

   The sole purpose of a child's middle name is to know when they're in big trouble.

   There are [0/1 (52x^7/2 – 66x^5/2 + 22x^3/2) / vx) dx] kinds of people in this World...Those who understand Calculus and those Who Don't !

   99% of all women leave there mouth open while applying the makeups, 1 % dont have mirrors

   finds it satisfyingly funny that the initials for Valentine's Day are "V.D."

   leaving a post it note in this bathroom, saying "outta toilet paper but feel free to use this..."

   hates when you r waiting 4 the bus & someone asks "has the bus come yet?" if the bus came, would I be standing here??????? Oh right here the f... bus

   thinks the world should revolve around him since his dad calls him son.

   What's the big deal about the guy who could pull a truck with his penis? When I was sixteen, I could have pushed it.

   Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving, so never miss a good chance to shut up.

   ..because Chinese New Year and Valentines Day fall on the same day this year,i think i'll celebrate both with a takeaway! How romantic. Lol.

   Women are like roads: the more curves they have,the more dangerous they are.

   decided to judge a book by it's cover.. because sometimes they turn out to be pretty good =)