Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   100 people get swine flu and everyone wears a mask... 1,000 people get aids and no one wears a condom... Makes you wonder a little...

   Played Tiger Woods PGA Tour '10 the other day. Funny thing was that the 'cheat codes' were already put into the game.

   Got up this morning and thought 'it looks nice out'....so I'll leave it out.

   eaten so many skittles shes peeing rainbows!

   "Love" is purely a chemical imbalance of serotonin, dopamine, & norepinephrine. It is nothing magical or "special"; just simply an irregularity in the brain; a "two-faced high"

   My name is soo much action, it should be a f*ckng verb!

   This program contains graphic material! Jergens and Kleenex optional!

   going to watch earth hour on T.V

   You're my nothing. Why? Because nothing lasts forever.

   Ever feel like stapling someones ear to their desk and slam a sticky note on their head that says "Help me, my ear is stuck to the table"?

   I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got !"

   you only live once, but if you live it right, once is enough.

   it's ok to kiss a fool, it's ok to let a fool kiss you, but never let a kiss fool you.

   You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night!"

   life isn't a garden, stop being a hoe.

   I'll take "Things that a crackhead would steal" for $600, Alex.

   trying to figure out this "cook book of life". I got the ingredients... I just dont know the recipe.

   please copy and paste this to your status if you know someone, or have been affected by someone, who needs a punch in the face. People who need a punch in the face affect the lives of many. There is no known cure for those who deserve a punch in the face,

   Well, now that K-State and Kentucky have lost (as did Kansas and Villanova)... and considering Obama had them ALL in his "Final Four", it's pretty safe to say that this just adds to the things he's WRONG about.

   There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't stand for that.”