Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   now that the last wish from Icelands deceased economy was: Spread the ash out over Europe.

   I was riding a donkey today when somone threw a rock that knocked me off. I was stoned off my ass.

   handing out "damns" because so many people say I give them.

   n't it a coincidence that KFC came out with the Double Down Chicken Sandwich just days before 4/20? Come on, a stoner def came up with that! Two pieces of fried chicken, bacon, and cheese. Def stoner food.

   Loves the smell of burning rubber, but I probably should have told her the condom broke

   Stop Being Mean To Justin Bieber, She Has Feelings Too

   What kind of name is Eyjafjallajokull why not Martin or George.

   if you're a single 30 yr old male living alone in a 1 bedroom apartment, despite your past, you should go ahead & add your name to the sex offender registry for future reference.

   today is 4-20! ...like I had to tell you... sit back .relax. and show some love :)

   I wonder how many bongs I can collect before my mother figures out they're not vases?

   Why are there so many words coming out of you in such a short period of time?

   gathering Volcanic Ash to throw at you

   its been so long since i'v had sex, I have forgotten who ties up whom

   I found out that if you have an annoying song stuck in your head that you want to forget, listen to Don't Stop Believing by Journey and it go away. REALLY!!

   Happy National Weed Day!!! CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET A BONG???

   thinks Larry King has used up 8 of his 9 wives....

   Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 50 cents.

   thinks it's funny when people say listen to the birds singing. The birds aren't singing, they are saying "I'm horny! Come screw me!!"

   Happy National Weed Day!!!

   Whenever Uncle Eyjafjallajokull would say, "Kids! Pull my finger!" We were smart enough to ignore him. Is there a lesson here Iceland?