Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if we have walkie talkies then why are vacumes not call pushy suckies

   being a die hard 80's fan I really hate what is going on with Brett Michaels. Doctors can't seem to find out what is going on in his head. They might want to check his other head. After Rock of Love all the answers could lie there.. Just sayin

   I hate it when my party can't start because Ke$ha wont walk in...

   if a fly didn't have wings, would it be called "walk" ?

   could it be? Is that water you are walking on? Oh wait, that is just your sh!t hole, sorry about that... thought you were someone who could judge others..

   Walmart sucks. (The money out of my wallet.)

   Pet Peeve #11: Bathroom Pictures. There's no other mirror in your place? Enough already!

   filmed on location with the men and women of law enforcement. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty in the court of law.

   If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

   Just realised something; all my role models, idols and people I look upto were all on drugs!! :p

   I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age?!

   When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

   had lent 5000$ to his friend for plastic surgery.....now its hard to recognize him.

   Everybody is somebody else's weirdo

   Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other coworkers" and I circled "absolutely false"?

   The guy driving in front of me is totally following me

   When you put 'aspiring' in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I'm unemployed.

   I'm so confused, I thought the Crip Walk was a marathon for gang members

   Not a gal that finds it attractive or even complimenting when a married man hits on her. Keep it at home base, dude.

   I am a part of Peta people enjoying Tasty animals