Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Don't be afraid of rejection..It hurts, but you won't die from it.!!!

   Amy Winehouse has completed re-hab and claims she is clean & sober. She also wants to be known as Amy Grapehouse.

   whats the main difference between a vacuum cleaner and a harley davidson? The position of the dirtbag

   An error has occured: User performed an illegal operation when they got out of bed. Return user to bed to continue.

   says you look like... I need another drink

   When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead

   ever realize how similar Porsches are to porcupines? Except the porcupine has pricks on the outside....

   the first to the fridge, the first to the couch, and most importantly the first to the remote. What it is to be a true champion......

   Time flies when you press snooze

   Only in a god-fearing state like Arizona, can you get pulled over, detained, and fined if your name is Jesus

   Does anyone else think that all illegal immigrants should be given a Toyota to drive back across the border?? ;)

   doin a walk threw judge people at the bar when I got hit by a dart, F you KARMA.

   An old battleax of a woman said to Winston Churchill, "If you were my husband I would put poison in your tea.". Churchill's response, "Ma'am if you were my wife I would drink it.".

   Did you say somthing, or did your brain fart..

   trying to give me the finger is like giving a spider the web. I'm just gonna spin it and use it to my advantage =)

   It's kinda bad when other drunk drivers are lookin over at you like "Damn that dude really needs to pull it together"

   so your telling me that facebook is gonna start charging money monthly? You remind of the people that told me that about Hotmail.. TEN YEARS AGO!"

   wants you to read this status... Keep reading it... There, now I have full control over your mind. Now bring me a beer!

   What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

   If I just fly to Arizona without ID and let them deport me to Mexico, would it be cheaper than if I flew directly there?