Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   was thinking, if lesbians use vibrators......isn't that cheating?

   would it be cruel to kidnap a man and keep him for purely sexual reasons?

   would if be cruel to kidnap a man and keep him for purely sexual reasons?

   Mmmmm..ice cream sandwiches....i feel like such a tool though after chasing the ice cream truck screaming "wait, ice cream man"!

   giggles everytime I see a "no shoes, no shirt, no service" sign. I am guessing that they don't care if you come in bare a$$ed?

   May the 4th be with you...but I need a Fifth.

   has been temporarily disconnected from AT&T...and my iPhone...where in the hell am I?!

   wondering if a strap-on is considered an artificial limb?

   A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

   loves the smell of a home-cooked breakfast...mmmm bacon...now how do I get that smell in my house?

   if I win the 265 millon California lottery this week , I am gunna fly to Somalia and collect all the trillons of Dollars I've won from all My DEAD realatives and take over the world !!!

   wondering if a strap-on is considered as an artificial limb?

   seen Willy's Wonka and is not impressed.

   I went to Japan and got myself a discount prostitute. She love me moderate time.

   I didn't call you Fred Flintstone because I thought you could make my bed rock!! ;-) I called you Fred Flintstone because that brick of a line was prehistoric!! ;-p Practice your game

   Thought about staying home from work today but then I remembered the thousands of people on welfare are depending on me, I owe I owe its off to work I go.....

   ❒ Taken ❒ Single ✔ Pimpin

   Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.

   Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?

   I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.