Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I once went 4 days with out a cell phone. So ya, Third World Countries, I get it now.

   With all the disease in this world, I'm just happy I didn't catch "The Stupid", or any other airborne illness like Freckles

   You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!,

   Footall AKA Soccer = the cure for insomnia

   What do I mean, "inner geek"? I'm deluding myself -- I'm pretty much geek all the way through.

   put the bom in the bom sha-bom bom, but lays no claim to the ram in the ramalama ding dong.

   thinks copy & paste is the greatest invention ever thinks copy & paste is the greatest invention ever thinks copy & paste is the greatest...

   I saw an Indian guy violently shaking a rug, I suppose to clean it. I couldn't help myself, I asked "Can't get it started?"

   sick and is therefore listening to The Cure.

   "Louisiana isn't the only place that has shrimp," said BP rep Randy Prescott. His office phone number is (713) 323-4093 and e-mail is randy.prescott@bp.com. Give him a call and tell him that BP isn't the only place that has fuel for your car.

   .has decided that, instead of being a good example, I'll be a warning.

   Something women would NEVER say: "This diamond is too big"

   I feel like a million bucks...now where can I go cash this in?

   "I'm Tom Bodett of Motel 6, we'll leave the Lysol on for ya"

   When the world kicks you when you're down, breaks its legs.

   Something a wife would NEVER say to her husband: "Could you please stop washing the dishes and sit down and have a beer with me, I can't hear the game!"

   Motels....Because you and your hooker deserve better than the backseat of some car.

   You know who's going to take the title between the Celtics & Lakers......Football season that's who.

   at the end nobody loses, but there's me laughing at you.

   The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.